- I definitely sleep much better when I am caring for others.
- GOM = Grumpy Old Man, this is the term I affectionately use for my friend. He can be grumpy, he is, arguably, old at 82, but he’s also smart, funny, and sharp as a tack … he’s fully independent but moves a little slower than he did when he was 20. I just help out because it’s a big job and goes much more smoothly if two of us work on it. It’s also a way to spend time with my friend before he leaves for the summer.
- Yesterday got rained off, so I ran over and picked up the GOM’s laundry so I could do that chore done and off the list.
- His car is empty and cleaned except for his tool area (which doesn’t really need organizing just whatever I find over the next 2 days put away).
- Today the plan is to go through the camper and collate those items with the car items and get the GOM to decide what stays and what leaves with him.
- My mental health is improving, everything doesn’t feel as dire as it did two / three days ago. I’m glad I let go of some of the shame I have for allowing myself to lean on the parts of myself that I usually have to monitor so closely. It’s okay for me to get my main source of dopamine for caring about others right now. Especially if I can’t get it from looking after myself … it’s a sort of twisted self care *smile*
- I need to preface this by saying … it’s not his fault but also Agggggghhhhhggggg!
- The whole reason I was working as hard as I was, was because GOM had doctors appointments in Chicago. I gave up taking care of my land, my therapy sessions, my self care, to help someone else. Now I made those choices, I can not … fairly hold him responsible for that. Today, I tried to re schedule my appointment but couldn’t so had to cancel in order to get him out Wednesday… and I was so looking forward to finally being able to focus on myself.
- Well he’s has decided to cancel his Illinois trip, and delay his leaving date. So I’ve been running myself ragged, and I don’t even get my break.
- It’s so frustrating… i understand why he’s taken the stress off himself… but … I’ve now lost my free time, the reward at the end of the rainbow.
- I don’t adapt well, especially when I haven’t been taking care of myself.