Today I want to explore a theory I have about age and relationships.
It all started with a post in one of my crone groups. A woman shared a photo of her much younger boyfriend’s fridge — he was keeping damp washcloths in the fridge for her, when she had hot flashes! The women (all 50+) were gushing: “What a lovely gesture!” and “That’s so thoughtful!” they swooned.
Me? I wanted to know …, “How young do I need to go to get that kind of treatment?” … the answer was 36!
That question came off the back of a conversation I’d had the night before on a dating app. I was talking to a guy around my age and I asked, “What’s your go-to meal when you’re trying to impress someone?” He replied, “Why would I try to impress someone?”
That was the ultimate ick for me. Like… what the fuck, dude? That’s your idea of an interpersonal relationship? No, thank you!
Later, I was on Reddit and realized something. When I talk to younger men, the ones in their mid to late 30s, They have passion! They get excited! They listen! They get fired up about new ideas — my awesome ideas, my cool goals!
They’re not just supportive — they’re intrigued. Curious. Sometimes even want to be part of it. And that got me thinking…
I’ve always dismissed dating younger men. They look like babies to me. And sure, while I’m still somewhat physically attractive and have the time… I’m only getting older. How long could it really be sustainable?
But then I flipped the script.
For years, I was the woman behind the man. I supported my husband working 16-hour days on his passion projects, took care of everything else, and freed him up to build a successful business—our business. I was good at that!
After the divorce, he admitted it took three people and a girlfriend to replace what I had been doing alone.
That chapter ended. He moved on — big house, new wife, polished life. And me? I landed in a trailer, in the middle of nowhere… but with something I’d never had before: possibility. Freedom. A chance to ask, “What do I want?” For the first time, it feels like my turn. Where’s the person willing to support me? To be my reason for creativity and to build something with my vision at the core?
The older men I’ve dated? They’ve already had their turn. They spent a lifetime chasing dreams—often on the backs of their wives. Now, they want peace. Quiet. No noise, no drama. Just someone to cook, clean, tend to their desires, and nurse them through it all. Housekeeper. Whore. Nurse. Therapist. And, of course, their “chill” best friend—carrying all the energy of a grumpy old man, stubbornly refusing to consider anything new or different because, “This is who I am!” And worse — many of them are still harboring resentment and bitterness from past relationships. Not because they were deeply wronged, but because they never did the work. Never self-reflected. They hardened instead of healing.
There’s no room for what I want with them.
Younger men, though? They lived it up in their 20s. Now they’re hitting their 30s and starting to reflect — what kind of life do they want? What kind of partner? What kind of future? They’re not all looking for kids or traditional family roles. They’re not just chasing romance — they’re seeking purpose, meaning, and someone who wants to walk that journey with them for the long haul — someone who encourages them to meet their potential, keeps them inspired, and gently motivates them.
Most women their age are either deep into career-building (smart!) or focused on starting a family as soon as possible. That’s a scary proposition to a lot of men. Kids, mortgages, pressure… that’s heavy stuff.
But what if there was another option?
What if they could have the softness and intimacy of a marriage without the $100K wedding, ticking biological clock, and baby pressure?
Enter: the Hot Older Woman.
She may not be rolling in cash, but she’s secure. She knows how to cook, still experiences desire, and has the drive to follow it — plus, she’s got direction. Her body isn’t perfect — but at 30, neither is his, he’s now at the stage he has to put effort into looking good.
Maybe this is the perfect partnership?
She knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to say it. That gives him direction. He brings energy and effort she never got in her earlier years — and she’s not shy about showing appreciation. He feels respected, heard, needed. And sexually? She’s at her peak. Confident. Vocal. His energy meets her knowledge. His enthusiasm meets her confidence. Together, they can create something electric.
Maybe this is the symbiotic relationship older women should be pursuing.
Maybe this is the relationship younger men who don’t want babies or traditional pressures need too — one where they can find love, affection, and emotional security without drowning in expectations.
But what about the critics?
“Isn’t this just a fantasy?”
Maybe. But every dream starts with an idea — and you need a vision before you can make a plan and take action. Is it guaranteed to work? No. But what relationship ever is?
“What if the younger guy eventually wants kids?”
Yep, that’s a real possibility. People change. Life changes. But here’s the thing:
a) Most men don’t tend to rock the boat if their needs are being met.
b) No relationship is a sure thing. They all come with risk — including the risk of ending without anyone getting what they hoped for.
“Isn’t this still just about serving men — just prettier, younger ones?”
Maybe it could look that way at first glance. But let’s be real — men aren’t exactly the flawless specimens society props them up to be. Your average 30-something guy? Probably thinning a bit on top, softening in the middle, and still doesn’t know how to style himself beyond jeans and a tee-shirt. Even if he is drop-dead gorgeous… so what?
Why shouldn’t a woman enjoy a little eye candy too?
But honestly, this isn’t about beauty. It’s about partnership. A relationship where the skills and experience an older woman brings are finally valued. Where she gets to be appreciated, not just for what she gives, but for who she is. Most women enjoy caring for someone they love — when they’re treated with kindness, enthusiasm, and genuine appreciation.
And unlike younger versions of herself, she’s no longer tolerating crumbs. She’s got her own goals now — and the self-worth to walk away if she’s not being met with the same energy.
“Won’t society judge her?”
Of course. Society has always judged women for… everything. Too old, too young, too sexy, too plain, too loud, too quiet. But this time? She’s got the confidence to say,
“Fuck it. I’m doing it my way.”
Maybe it’s time we stop dating men who’ve already had their turn and start choosing the ones who want to hear what we have to say?
The ones who see our experience as attractive. Our confidence as powerful. Our energy as inspiring.
We’re not asking for permission anymore — we’re extending invitations.
And for him? He gets more than a partner. He gets support, passion, stability, and someone who’ll walk beside him — not behind, not ahead. Just… together. He learns how to communicate better, navigate conflict with grace, and show up with heart. And he gets something rare:
Freedom from social expectations — He knows the current system doesn’t serve him anymore. Gone are the days where 2.4 kids and a stay-at-home wife are the assumed endgame. That’s not the world we’re in now. But instead of clinging to outdated roles, he chooses something different — something meaningful. Something that meets his needs and desires, not just the expected role of “provider.” He’s still needed, but it doesn’t have to look like what everyone else is doing. He’s not following the script — he’s writing his own.
I’m still not totally convinced I could date a man as young as 36, but maybe it’s time to adjust those age limits and see if this new kind of connection has some traction?
