Rough night. No real sleep.
My AC’s not working properly. Pretty sure it just needs a clean and the usual maintenance. You know, one of those tasks “on the list” that I keep pushing off until I have a window of time and energy. I’m hoping I can get to it before it completely gives up on me.
But honestly, what’s hitting harder than the broken AC is the mental load I’m carrying. Right now, I’m struggling to control where my thoughts go. When I don’t get time to decompress or take proper care of myself, my inner defenses just collapse. I lose the ability to challenge the negative thoughts before they spiral. And they are spiraling.
My brain is desperate for a hit of happy chemicals, and it keeps offering me really bad ideas on how to get them. And then I have to sit with each of those thoughts and play detective. Is this real? Is this self-sabotage? Is this just old wiring firing up again? It’s exhausting.
Imagine second-guessing every thought you have. Not because you’re indecisive, but because you know your brain can’t be trusted right now.
And that awareness? That vigilance? It’s a whole other layer of burnout no one really talks about.
Also, tiny sidenote, but kind of important, I haven’t eaten anything since the pizza I had on Tuesday. I’m running on beer and orange juice calories. Not great.
I’ll try to find time (and motivation) to grab some actual food tomorrow.
Right now, I’m doing what I can. Bare minimum. But it counts.