I’m not gonna lie, this morning hit hard.
Day two of barely any sleep and I could feel myself unraveling. I was frustrated, emotional, and tired in that way where you can’t even cry… you just sit in it. Sleep is my regulator. When it’s gone, my mood drops like a rock.
The truth? I’ve been neglecting my self-care. Not on purpose, just… there’s no time. People say “you have to make time,” but okay … what should I give up?
-
Getting water?
-
Getting power?
-
Keeping my hard-earned veggie patch alive?
-
Trying to earn something *anything* so I can keep going?
Self-care starts to feel like a luxury when survival eats your schedule.
And when I spiral, I miss him. Not because he was amazing. He wasn’t. But I liked who I was around him. I felt softer. I felt seen sometimes. Not all the time, but enough that I remember it when I’m drowning in to-do lists.
Right now, I’m in full survival mode. One more week of raw-dogging life and then maybe… just maybe… I can get a moment to breathe and reshuffle all this chaos in my head.
There was a win today, though. I made some art. A few hours where my brain quieted down. I even cooked an actual meal—with protein! Which is more than I’ve managed lately.
Note to self: get some protein bars tomorrow. I won’t have time to cook until the GOM (Guest of Mayhem? No, Grumpy Old Man) is gone. [She didn’t get the protein bars]
Tomorrow I’m heading back to the land. The plants need water.
This “favor” I agreed to? It’s costing me more than just fuel.
But… it is what it is.