Another rough night. Same 3am wake-up, even though I took a Xanax at 10pm thinking it might help me finally get a full night’s sleep. Nope. That disappointing mix of tired and wired is really getting old.
I think the letdown from yet another person flaking on helping with the well hit harder than I expected. You’d think I’d be used to this by now — the “I’ll help!” followed by radio silence. But here we are.
Hard to say whether it’s the sleep deprivation or the constant stream of setbacks dragging my mood down. Probably both. Either way, I didn’t have time to sit in it. I took my meds, cranked up some music, and tried to shake it off.
One upside to being awake so early — I got to test the security cam and lights I repositioned. They mostly worked! The motion sensor needs tweaking, but I left the ladder out, so I’ll adjust it next time I’m over there.
Still, I was off all day. No motivation. Just mentally drained. I know it’s partly because I haven’t had time to be creative lately. That fog creeps in when emotions pile up without somewhere to go. Feels like I’ve got static in my head that blocks everything else.
Another realization hit me too — I have zero body awareness. I’ve got friends who can tell if a supplement is working after a couple days. Others tweak their diets and actually feel the difference. Meanwhile, I’m just like… Is this tired? Anxiety? Hormones? All of the above? It’s like I grew up so focused on other people’s emotions that I never learned to listen to my own body. Even now, it’s hard to connect the dots.
By 3pm, I’d managed to shake the funk a little. Couldn’t do the things I needed to do, but I did manage to install the AC unit — and tested it with the generator. Good news: it works and doesn’t trip anything. So, while I don’t need it yet, at least I know it’s ready.
Bad news: I slammed my thumb in a window during that little win. It hurt. A lot. Definitely woke me up.
As if that wasn’t enough chaos, the app I use to update this blog suddenly stopped connecting to my host. I spiraled a bit — because if you know anything about ADHD, you know our systems are everything. That app was working for me. It helped me stay consistent. Any change to that system = instant brain meltdown.
I panicked. Then I dwelled. Then I caved and contacted support. Turns out, it’s not the app or the host. It’s my ISP (thanks Elon… snorts). At least I figured that out. It’s not a fix yet, but it’s not a total disaster either.
Just when I was finally ready to let the day go, I saw two deer at the end of my driveway. They’d tripped the security light but didn’t seem bothered by me at all. One bounded off as soon as I opened the truck door. The other paused at the tree line and just watched me for a while.
It was kind of magical — like the universe saying, “Hey, today was messy… but here’s this.”
Not the win I wanted. But not the end of the world either.